Ever feel like you have given everything and it is still just NOT enough?
We have all been here....when you feel like you have given everything that you have to offer, and yet you don't feel like its enough!
I have been struggling with this very problem recently.
I give of my time and still feel like I should have given more.
I put my family and friends first, but then feel guilty if I need to do something for myself.
I feel like I should constantly be giving, doing, or making something.....AT ALL TIMES!
I don't feel like I do enough, and that if I fill my time doing something for my family, it will show them how much I love them...that's my love language...time...and I want to give it to them :) they are my world, and I love them.
I also have a hard time saying "No"....uggggh I hate that word...I want to make people happy and if me saying "yes" to "one extra thing" will do that, then that's what I do...and usually its not that one extra thing that throws me for a curve....its all the "one extra things" that have started to add up.
My hubby bought me a bigger calendar for Christmas because I was running out of space on the last one. It has truly been a lifesaver, as long as I write everything down (yes, I do forget sometimes, but I'm getting better) I am able to keep all my appointments. my schedule is still crazy, but it gives me a ton more space to write everything in.
It has taken me a long time (OK...I'm still working on this) to realize that I cant keep giving everything to everyone around me. I need to carve out some "me" time.
Time to rejuvenate, time to rest, and time to breathe, time for me, to just be me.
And while I know I need to do this, more often then not, I end up saying yes to more things then I can handle, I overstretch myself, and all the things I wanted to do, while they do get done, are done in a mad scramble and I am left exhausted and looking for a place to hide.
A few weeks ago, after my mother passed, ( how can it still seem like yesterday and forever ago, all at the same time) I hit rock bottom. I was unable to sleep more then 2-3 hours a night and would be awake all day. I didn't leave the house. unless my dear husband made me, and all I did was sit and watch Netflix...It wasn't a pretty sight.
I was exhausted, worn and heartbroken....and on top of all that, I felt GUILTY.
I felt Guilty that I couldn't get out and have fun with my family, that I had to say the dreaded "no" word to people, that I was missing church, not because I was mad at God, but because I just couldn't go. I had already been through this with my father, and going out into a world where both my parents were gone, was just to much for me.
My heart just couldn't handle it.
With all this going on, its no wonder that my body was reacting the way it was.I started researching all my symptoms ( I know, not the best thing in the world to do), and after talking to friends I came to the conclusion that my body may need a reset. which sounds so much easier to do then it actually is to do.
Sleeping and resting for 4 straight days sounds so heavenly....however for me It sounded like the most IMPOSSIBLE thing in the world.
Olivia had school, we were starting 2 homeschooling Co-ops that week, and we had revival at church.
So...... in other words, it wasn't going to happen anytime soon..I actually got my beloved calendar out and looked for when I had 4 days free and there was no time to schedule a rest.
Kind of sad now that I think about it....my schedule is so full that I cant find time to rest.
Thankfully God had other plans!
I started getting sick on a Wednesday night after church and I got a horrid flu bug and spent the rest of the week snuggled in my bed sleeping. I ran a fever most of the time and everything was put on hold.
My family took care of me while I slept, and while I wasn't sitting on a beach reading a book, I was resting, and my body was in the process of re-setting itself.
I have never been so thankful to get the flu as I was then. The flu was horrible, but being able to reset and being able to sleep though the night now, was worth it.
It has also taught me something important about myself and my body....I HAVE to rest...I HAVE to sleep at least 8 hours a night or I will fall back into the same pattern as before. And most importantly I HAVE to learn to say "no" and not feel guilty about it.
I may not be able to make everything that I am asked to. I may not be able to take on new projects and there may be days where I may not be able to make it to an actual church service.....and while it has taken me a long time to come to this conclusion.....that is OK!
I am not condoning giving up on Church...I strongly believe that we need church in our life. It is where we go to worship and be renewed. It is a place to be surrounded by those who believe like you and who will lift you up when you need it the most. Going to Church is not a part of our "religion", it is a part of who we are.There is nothing like walking in to church after a stressful day/week, and just feeling the Peace of God sweep over you. It is life changing....and something I hope everyone experiences.
What I am talking about, is if you are so weary, in body and in spirit, that the thought of leaving your house causes more distress, you shouldn't feel guilty about not being able to go. Turn off the electronics, put on some worship music, grab your Bible and find a place to reconnect and strengthen yourself both physically and spiritually. Church is Awesome and if you can be there, that is great, but if you cant, remember that God is EVERYWHERE, and that He WILL meet you wherever you need Him.
When my body is rested my whole life takes on a different out look, one that I LOVE! I love waking up feeling rested and ready to face the world with a smile. I LOVE being able to spend time with my family without the feeling that I am taking time away from something I have committed to do.
I LOVE being able to relax and rest without my schedule screaming at me that I have "50 things left to do and I am running behind.......again"
After much thought and prayer, I feel like God is pulling me into a "season of rest," and to be honest I am looking forward to it.
This doesn't mean that I will stop doing everything, and I will still help when I can, but it does mean that for this season in my life, I am going to be focusing on my family/friends, my health, church, and finding Rest in Gods perfect Peace. I will be taking careful consideration on everything that I put in my calendar and asking myself some tough questions.
Does this bring me closer to God and my Family?
Will it cause unneeded stress on my part?
Is it going to take me away from what my priorities are?
These are just a few of the questions I will use to determine what gets a coveted spot in my calendar.
We are wrapping up a crazy, hectic time in our life, and the future is only looking BRIGHTER!
I have been so blessed with friends (AWESOME Christian Women) who can see through my smile, and know when to share truth with love to me. I believe that God has given these friendships to me, to help guide me through this season of my life. They have been a rock to me in these last few months.
My hope is that throughout this new season in our life, freeing up time to spend focusing on what and who is important, that we will not only grow closer as a family, but that we will grow closer to God. Which is what we want more then anything :)