Sunday, November 15, 2015

Hardest Question Ever


This has been the question that I have been struggling with for the last few weeks.

Why us?

Why again?

Why would you allow us to walk through this again, so soon.


every night, I lay in bed, the house dark and silent, and ask this question over and over again.

and every night I drift off to sleep without an answer.

or at least, not the answer I want to hear.

My mother gave me a scripture that someone gave her...not going to lie I was expecting a "pick up your bed and walk" kind of scripture.

Instead I opened her very loved bible to Hebrews 10:35 and read.

"Cast not away therefore your confidence, which hath great recompence of reward"

I looked up in to my moms smiling face and wanted to cry.

This scripture said nothing of healing!! 

My Mom just smiled and said "Its not about my healing, its about my reward, and what I have to look forward to."

I hope that one day I can have her Peace. The peace that says its all going to be OK, no matter what the outcome. The peace that covers you, when you need it the most. The Peace that gives you REST.
I have woken up to a painful memory that I never wanted to revisit. I am worn, tired, weak, and my heart is hurting.

Seeing someone I love going through this again....I don't believe the saying " God never gives you more then you can handle"  I think that we are given so much more then our hearts can handle, and it breaks us. it shatters our hearts, so that we can be put back together, stronger and better by Him. 

My heart was mending, and now I find It being broken again, I look at my family, and through  the smiles, I see tears in their eyes, hear the sobs being held back, and the smile that wavers just enough, for me to know that they are struggling, just like me.  

It will be hard, there will be tears and we will feel overwhelmed and defeated, but we will also be mended. 

Not today, or tomorrow, maybe not for along time, but our hearts will be mended.


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