Thursday, March 1, 2018

Monday Musings....on a Thursday

Its been a Monday of a Thursday.

Today is day 7 of sitting and keeping my leg elevated in an attempt to let it heal...let me tell you something, sitting around and doing nothing is not all it is cracked up to be. you could say it is downright BORING!

I mean, seriously how many Netflix shows can you watch without going stir crazy?
Turns out for me it's only FIVE!

Sitting also makes it hard for you not to take stock of everything around the dust that seems to be waiving at you from your piano...I know it's saying " look at me, I'm just sitting here and you cant do anything about it."

I think it will be saying something different tomorrow when cranking up "The Greatest Showman" soundtrack and give my daughter a dust rag and set her loose in the living room!

Does dust talk??

Anyway...I digress.

I think the issue is that I can't stand idleness...I have become so accustomed to being busy all the time, that I can't stand being still. the thought of doing nothing actually overwhelms me.

and yet, REST is good for the soul.

It says so in the bible.

Psalm 46:10
 “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”
~Exodus 33:14
 My presence shall go with you, and I will give you rest.

~Psalm 62:1-2
My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.

and Jeremiah 6:16
Thus says the LORD:”Stand by the roads, and look, and ask for the ancient paths, where the good way is; and walk in it, and find rest for your souls. 

God WANTS us to find rest in Him. but how can we find rest, if everything around us is going at 100 miles an hour?  If I cant see what is around me because I am running around like crazy, then maybe I need to slam on the brakes and just sit and be STILL. 

This week has taught me that even if I am unable to be busy it's not all that bad. I am getting to spend extra time with my family and even if it is the last thing I want to be doing, I am learning how to be STILL.

Which surprisingly very hard for me to do. 

 for now I am going to focus on diving deeper into my bible reading, spend more time being silly with my daughter (she has made me laugh so hard this week), spend time working on my oil business, write more in my journal, and start chapter 11 of my book, and just rest. Rest my leg, rest my body, rest my brain, and rest my hurting heart. 

Just Rest...which has been good for me, even if it has been hard. but it has also let me realize that I am blessed beyond measure. 

I have a wonderful family, who loves me even if I am going crazy and I "may" whine every now and then. 

They bring me cupcakes when I have had a bad day. 

They keep me smiling even when all I want to do is cry. 

They make it harder for me to have a pity party, for which I am thankful.

Being still has opened up my eyes as to all my family does for me. My hubby has become the cleaner, short order cook, chauffeur for my daughter and a human crutch for me :) he has helped me more then I think he knows, and it has made me LOVE him more.

So that's it for my Monday musings on today which is a Thursday.

Monday, January 29, 2018

For Better or For Worse

In just a few short days I will have been married to my best friend for 15 years!! The last 15 years have flown past us, and I find myself drifting back and reminiscing about our life together. This man, that I have given my heart to, that I look up to, that leads our family, that LOVES me for who I am....he is mine.

For better or for worse :)

A brief summary of our life together just so you can know how awesome he is.

On our 1st date, I collapsed and wound up at the ER with Meningitis. He stayed with me in the ER and then came over EVER day to read to me (This is when I fell in love with him). When I wound up dehydrated and had to go get fluids, he went with me! When I freaked out because  they needed to take more blood, he held my hand (pretty sure I broke some fingers...I am TERRIFIED of needles)

He stuck with me.

When we got engaged and I turned into a bridezilla...Ok maybe not that bad, but I was super stressed, he just said: "whatever you want."

He stuck with me.

When I went into preterm labor at 22 weeks, and we almost lost our baby and I was a basket case. He was there for EVERY doctor's visit. He prayed for my peace and held me and our baby up in prayer.

He stuck with me.

When we brought our baby home from the hospital and I would cry because I didn't "feel like a good mom" and I was afraid I was doing everything wrong...he would hold me close and say "you're doing everything right"

He stuck with me.

 When we lost our babies due to miscarriage...and my world shattered each time, when I was so deep in my own sadness...he was there, holding me when I cried, letting me vent when I needed to, making me smile. Reminding me that we already had our perfect baby and that one day we would be ok.

He stuck with me.

When my parents passed away, and stepping outside into a world without them was so overwhelming. he took my hand and led the way. He didn't let me lock myself away like I wanted to. He is still helping me manage my grief.

He stuck with me.

When I was was unlovable he loved me. For better or for worse, He stuck with me.

15 years of laughter, hugs, being each other sounding boards, best friends, confidants, acting silly together, making memories, raising a family, and loving each other.

 15 seems like such a LONG time, and yet it hasn't been long enough. I look forward to spending the next 15 years, and more with this man by my side.

When you are spending your life with your BEST friend, it makes for the BEST life ever!

Wednesday, January 24, 2018

It's Time To Choose

Making Time For Home is the name of this blog....and yet sometimes I find our life so hectic and busy that I don't actually have time for my home.

And I don't like it.

I LOVE being at home and taking care of my family, but this past week I feel like I haven't been able to so what I love. I looked around today and this is what I saw.

1. The mountain of laundry is getting higher even though I have a load in the washer and the dryer
2. My daughter is sick, and camping out in the living room, so the Living room is filled with blankets, toys, books etc
3. I STILL have to unpack the totes sitting by the front door from our Vendor Event we had last Saturday.
4. Shoes are PILED by the front door
5. My bed has not been made today (not going to lie, it probably won't get made today)

In the midst of all this chaos, my home, the place that is meant to be a refuge, looks more like a tornado came to an end and dropped everything into my home.

I want the perfect home, the clean space that everyone could come over and I would not be embarrassed for them to walk through my door.

That is what I want... it is not, however, what I have.

My home reflects our life, we are busy, we are messy, and while I wish I had a maid that was only here to keep my home clean, that is not going to happen anytime soon.

I am working part-time at a job I LOVE, my hubby and I are building our business, and I homeschool our daughter. This is why our home and our lives can be a little haphazard and from the outside may look overwhelming. But it is the season that our family is in.

While I could sit here and lament the dust, or get frustrated about the toys I have tripped over AGAIN, I won't.

Instead, I will strive to manage my time better. to look at the season we are in with fresh eyes because it truly is just a season.  all to soon there will not be toys to step over, our business will no longer be in the building stages, and I want to look back on this time and smile over the memories we made, not regret the fact that I was overwhelmed by my home.

I am choosing to make my home a refuge...even if it's not the cleanest refuge :)

I am choosing to let people into our life/home without worrying what they will think if we have school books on the couch.

I choose NOT to set unattainable goals for myself.

I am choosing to put what is important first. 


My Family

Building a business with my husband/best friend 

Nowhere on that list is dusting my whole house every other day  (is it ever at the tops of anyone's list?).

Let's choose to be free from our own self-imposed expectations.

Join me in choosing what is important, to you and to your family.

Monday, November 20, 2017

What I am THANKFUL for this year :)

Can you believe it...its almost Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving people...How did that happen?

Was'nt it the beginning of summer just a few days ago (lol ok it was more than just a few days ago).

With Thanksgiving quickly approaching, I have seen numerous posts on social media on how thankful people are, and I have put a few on there myself. I actually got on here to write a post on what I am most thankful for and I came up with the usual family, friends, church...and while those are GREAT things to be thankful for, and I truly am, this year I wanted to post something deeper. Something that I may not say I am thankful for on a daily basis.

So like any other person, I started looking around to "find" what I was deeply thankful for.  I looked at my home, which we rent and I LOVE but it was not what I wanted to write about.
I looked at our vehicle, and while we have two, one is not running at the nope, can't write about that.
Thought about writing about my new position at work, which I LOVE by the way, but even that wasn't what I wanted to write about.

I wanted to write about something that moved me. Something that when I thought about it would bring me to tears. Something that I didn't want to live without.

I was sitting here just thinking about what that "special something" was and in walks my husband, and all I could do was smile.

This man....I would write about him!

Most people who see me and my husband, probably think that we are the "crazy couple" and don't know which one of us is the more mature of the two (ill give you a hint-its, not me).

I am taller, he is not as tall :) I shoot off my mouth and regret things later, and he takes the time to think things over before he speaks. I am the mommy, and he is the perfect daddy for our daughter. I am the planner, and he is the spontaneous one. I am the cleaner, and he is...well he is not the cleaner lol. I am the singer, and he is my piano player.  I am the homeschooler, and he is the breadwinner. When I am weak, he is my rock and protector.  When I need to cry or vent, he is my sounding board. When I wake him up in the middle of the night scared, he holds me and prays for peace. When I am acting crazy and people are staring at me in Walmart, he starts dancing to some imaginary tune. He knows all my movie quotes and laughs at them anyway.  He is the leader of our home, and I love to see how God is working in his life. He is my best friend. We are two peas in a pod, and I wouldn't change it for anything.
He is Everything to me, and sometimes I FORGET to tell him how thankful I am to have him in my life. 

7 months ago, on a normal uneventful day, our world almost came to a crashing halt. My husband, best friend, love of my life, almost left me.

I still see it when I close my eyes.

Me standing by the hospital bed, my husband grabbing his chest and looking at me with fear in his eyes. I can hear my voice screaming for a nurse as I watched his body seize up while having a heart attack.

Everything happened so fast, but in that moment it was as if time slowed down. The nurses running in, my husband reaching for my hand, my bag dropping to the floor...all of it stuttered to a stop....and there I was standing in the middle, not able to think, not able to pray, not able to do anything, but watch as my world was ending.

It was only for a split second, but it felt like it lasted forever. Thankfully my world, though forever shaken, did not crash. Even when I couldn't pray, God knew what we needed before we needed it. He met me in my moment of need. He protected my Husband, and I will forever be thankful for that.
So this Thanksgiving, I am thankful for my Hubby. I am thankful that he is still here with me. I am thankful that we can be together at church, that we can be goofy together, and share old movie quotes together. I am thankful for the new memories that we will be able to make, and for the extra time, we were given.

I am blessed...and for that, I am Thankful every day.

This song pretty much sums up our relationship...Love ya, babe!

Wednesday, November 1, 2017

Kids and Social Media

Kids these days are very social media advanced...I still remember having to wait for AOL to dial up on the family computer that was located in the living room of my childhood home. Now, every time I look around I see kids with a cell phone, laptop, or tablet. 

My own daughter has a phone, and while she has begged me more than once for a facebook account, she will not have one until she is old enough (read more mature and responsible) to have one. I did give in and let her have Instagram, but only because it gives us the option to link our accounts together...which is an awesome feature (thank you Instagram). it allows me to keep tabs on who wants to follow her, who she is following, and what she and others are writing on her Instagram page. While this does mean that I have a TON more dings on my phone, none of which are for me, it's all good, because it allows me peace of mind.

While I have had some who disagree with my choice of letting my daughter have Instagram, for the most part, it has not been a problem. She is responsible and always asks before she gets on it, and sometimes she will even check with me before posting a picture. She is allowed to follow family and friends ONLY (with the exception of Bethany Hamilton, My daughter loves her, and I think she is a pretty good role model, so we allow her to follow her). We have had a few people we don't know ask to follow my daughter, but hey, that's what the delete button is for.

And yes we have used it :) 

When we decided that she could have Instagram, we went over the rules with her. We have total access to all her electronics and know the password for each one. If we feel like she is not being responsible then she will lose her privilege of having an IG account. so far we have had no issues (keeping my fingers crossed)!

I found this great blog on how to monitor your kid's social media, and while she only has one social media account (IG), I found it was a great read!

Check it out here

What is your stance on Social media and children? DO you allow some of it, all of it, or none at all?

Tuesday, October 31, 2017

Flu Bug and Shopping

The flu bug has hit my daughter got it first, and just as we were celebrating her 1st day of being fever hit me.

It hit hard.

I had cold chills followed by hot flashes, a sore throat that felt like I was swallowing razor blades every time I attempted to drink or eat. My body ached and I couldn't for the life of me get comfortable, which made it nearly impossible for me to sleep.

My family rallied around me and has been amazing in taking care of me. My hubby has made food runs, cleaned the kitchen, and basically has done everything that I have asked of him. He even took her to her Ice Skating lessons so I wouldn't have to get out. I LOVE that man...poor guy has started to have a cough and sneeze issues...please say a prayer he doesn't get this. My Daughter has also been a great help. She has kept the house straight, made me cards, given me hugs right when I needed them the most. mostly she has just been here...making me feel better as much as she can, and I love her for that :)

Today, I woke up bright and early (read, I was unable to sleep due to my body feeling like it was bruised) to the thought that, while I have been sick and resting, I forgot that I DIDN'T go shopping like I meant to the day before I got sick. I was cleaning the church and decided that I could shop on Sunday after church. Needless to say...I didn't get out of bed on Sunday, and that means I didn't go shopping.

Which means....

There is NO food in my home!

OK, back up...there is food, but you would have to pop it in the oven, or crock pot, not something I want to do when I am sick. We are out of the fresh foods like fruit and veggies. We have no Cheese, and we are almost out of milk and water.

My hubby offered to go to the store, but since I keep my list in my head, and adjust what I want as I shop, its just easier for me to do the shopping.and it is time for me to go shopping. even if I am sick, even if I look like a dead person, and even if its the last thing I want to do! Its time.

I wrote all of this to let you know, if you see me at the store today, Just pretend I am dressed up as the "Flu Bug" and give me a wide berth. trust me you do NOT want this.

Happy Halloween Everyone. Stay safe, Stay warm, and have FUN.

Sunday, October 29, 2017

Confessions of a Fan Girl: When We Fall

Confessions of a Fan Girl: When You Fall

We are works in progress…we will fall, we will bomb, and we will feel like the worst Christians in the world. Trust me I have been there. More often than I would like to admit. When I first started my journey, I was flying know the feeling…nothing in the world could bring me down…and then I fell…HARD!  I didn’t think I would ever be worthy enough to even ask God to forgive me, let alone Him do so.

Now before you say “you felt like this because of a show/book/fandom? Let me just say this…NO I didn’t feel like that because of those things. I felt like this because my heart was full of sin and self-doubt. I was not where I personally wanted to be with God, and I didn’t think that I ever could be. I questioned everything, I had isolated myself not only from my family and friends, but also from my church family. I felt alone. I wasn’t…but I sure did feel that way.

It was very hard for me to confess this to my husband, because I had hid how I felt for so long. He didn’t even know what was happening in my heart, because I was ashamed to tell him. In my mind, I had failed as a wife and mother, and that thought devastated me. It took me to dark corners inside my heart and mind that I hid myself in. It led me to believe untruths, and contemplate things that I would never had thought about...those dark corners, those whispers that were not of God, led me to believe I was unlovable, that I would never be enough. I was plagued with nightmares. And because of those nightmares, I would go days with no sleep. Because sleeping meant that I would be in a world that terrified me. I tried to be happy around my family, and I succeeded in putting on a great show, but I just couldn’t seem to actually be happy on the inside.

This in not just about a fandom, no this is about the war that is fought on spiritual ground. I let something in that crept into every part of my life, and it was not going to let me go. When I opened up the door of my heart and allowed in witches, vampires, and yes my favorite man in a blue box, I said to the devil, make yourself at home.

And he did.

The moment I started saying he was an unwelcome guest in my heart, he started fighting back. And when the devil fights back, he fights dirty. He called up every sin I had ever committed, every word I had spoken in anger. Every time I had gossiped, or listened to gossip, every time I had failed…it was all there.  I would lay down to go to sleep, and it was like a movie playing in my mind. I would lay awake and cry, and I would beg God to forgive me and I would hear a faint whisper “you are not good enough, He will never forgive you” and I believed it for the longest time.
It wasn’t until I was sitting in a church service and I heard a minister say that if I had asked God to forgive me, that He had already done so. What I had to work on was forgiving myself.

It was life changing.

I started thanking God for his forgiveness and asking him to help me forgive myself. The freedom you can receive in just knowing that God has already given His forgiveness can be overwhelming.

For me it was a game changer. It changed my outlook on life, it made me realize that the whispers saying I wasn’t good enough, were not true. I could be the filthiest sinner, with the blackest heart, and God would still look on me with His amazing love.

Growing up in the church, and having heard this my whole life, it makes me wonder why I didn’t piece it together sooner. I knew that God loved me. I knew that He would always be there for me, and I knew that no matter what I did He would still love me…I knew all of that, and yet I allowed the devil to whisper lies to me, and because I was so full of self-loathing, I believed the lies over the truth that I had been taught my whole life.

When we fall, our Heavenly father is going to be there, with His hands wide open, ready to save us, but He will not be the only one there.
The devil loves it when we fail. He will not give up one opportunity to make us doubt ourselves, or the love of God. He is going to be shadowing us, waiting for and encouraging us from the sidelines to fall. 

When we fail, he is there to whisper in our ears. He will start by saying “we are not worthy of God’s love.” He will then get into our head and tell us how many times we have failed, that we must be ready to give up by now. He will make us question everything we have done. And we must not let him! We must stand strong and call on Jesus! Go to scripture and pray His word. 

Psalm 86:5 says “For You, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive. And abundant in loving kindness to ALL who call upon you.”

The devil has no control over us unless we give it to him. He hates when we call out to God, because he knows that Gods promise are to all of Gods children, not just to some, like he would have us believe. 

When we fall, it is so important that we get back up, we call on God, and we move forward, without looking back. When we glance back at our past failures, all we are doing is making it easier for the devil to put a stumbling block back in front of us. And if he can cause us to stumble, based on a past failure then he has done his job. What can make us give up faster, then failing over and over again on the same thing?

He will use everything in his power to make us fall, because when we are down, he can feed off of our despair and shame.

This is why it is so important to guard our hearts from the get go. If I had never allowed him entrance into my home and heart, I would not be battling him years after the fact. My daughter wouldn’t have had to go through 6 months of night terrors. I wouldn’t struggle every time I see something that has a supernatural element to it. Yes, I still struggle daily…I am constantly asking God for the strength to not fall victim to something that may seem “harmless” to someone else. I pray every day that God will place hedges around my home and the hearts of my family. We are now very strict about what we allow into our home, because we know what it can do. We know that while it may seem harmless to some, for our family it is a gateway to something worse.

Remember, When you dance with the devil, he is the one leading.NO matter how much you "think" you are in charge, you are not.