Monday, November 20, 2017

What I am THANKFUL for this year :)

Can you believe it...its almost Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving people...How did that happen?

Was'nt it the beginning of summer just a few days ago (lol ok it was more than just a few days ago).

With Thanksgiving quickly approaching, I have seen numerous posts on social media on how thankful people are, and I have put a few on there myself. I actually got on here to write a post on what I am most thankful for and I came up with the usual family, friends, church...and while those are GREAT things to be thankful for, and I truly am, this year I wanted to post something deeper. Something that I may not say I am thankful for on a daily basis.

So like any other person, I started looking around to "find" what I was deeply thankful for.  I looked at my home, which we rent and I LOVE but it was not what I wanted to write about.
I looked at our vehicle, and while we have two, one is not running at the nope, can't write about that.
Thought about writing about my new position at work, which I LOVE by the way, but even that wasn't what I wanted to write about.

I wanted to write about something that moved me. Something that when I thought about it would bring me to tears. Something that I didn't want to live without.

I was sitting here just thinking about what that "special something" was and in walks my husband, and all I could do was smile.

This man....I would write about him!

Most people who see me and my husband, probably think that we are the "crazy couple" and don't know which one of us is the more mature of the two (ill give you a hint-its, not me).

I am taller, he is not as tall :) I shoot off my mouth and regret things later, and he takes the time to think things over before he speaks. I am the mommy, and he is the perfect daddy for our daughter. I am the planner, and he is the spontaneous one. I am the cleaner, and he is...well he is not the cleaner lol. I am the singer, and he is my piano player.  I am the homeschooler, and he is the breadwinner. When I am weak, he is my rock and protector.  When I need to cry or vent, he is my sounding board. When I wake him up in the middle of the night scared, he holds me and prays for peace. When I am acting crazy and people are staring at me in Walmart, he starts dancing to some imaginary tune. He knows all my movie quotes and laughs at them anyway.  He is the leader of our home, and I love to see how God is working in his life. He is my best friend. We are two peas in a pod, and I wouldn't change it for anything.
He is Everything to me, and sometimes I FORGET to tell him how thankful I am to have him in my life. 

7 months ago, on a normal uneventful day, our world almost came to a crashing halt. My husband, best friend, love of my life, almost left me.

I still see it when I close my eyes.

Me standing by the hospital bed, my husband grabbing his chest and looking at me with fear in his eyes. I can hear my voice screaming for a nurse as I watched his body seize up while having a heart attack.

Everything happened so fast, but in that moment it was as if time slowed down. The nurses running in, my husband reaching for my hand, my bag dropping to the floor...all of it stuttered to a stop....and there I was standing in the middle, not able to think, not able to pray, not able to do anything, but watch as my world was ending.

It was only for a split second, but it felt like it lasted forever. Thankfully my world, though forever shaken, did not crash. Even when I couldn't pray, God knew what we needed before we needed it. He met me in my moment of need. He protected my Husband, and I will forever be thankful for that.
So this Thanksgiving, I am thankful for my Hubby. I am thankful that he is still here with me. I am thankful that we can be together at church, that we can be goofy together, and share old movie quotes together. I am thankful for the new memories that we will be able to make, and for the extra time, we were given.

I am blessed...and for that, I am Thankful every day.

This song pretty much sums up our relationship...Love ya, babe!

Wednesday, November 1, 2017

Kids and Social Media

Kids these days are very social media advanced...I still remember having to wait for AOL to dial up on the family computer that was located in the living room of my childhood home. Now, every time I look around I see kids with a cell phone, laptop, or tablet. 

My own daughter has a phone, and while she has begged me more than once for a facebook account, she will not have one until she is old enough (read more mature and responsible) to have one. I did give in and let her have Instagram, but only because it gives us the option to link our accounts together...which is an awesome feature (thank you Instagram). it allows me to keep tabs on who wants to follow her, who she is following, and what she and others are writing on her Instagram page. While this does mean that I have a TON more dings on my phone, none of which are for me, it's all good, because it allows me peace of mind.

While I have had some who disagree with my choice of letting my daughter have Instagram, for the most part, it has not been a problem. She is responsible and always asks before she gets on it, and sometimes she will even check with me before posting a picture. She is allowed to follow family and friends ONLY (with the exception of Bethany Hamilton, My daughter loves her, and I think she is a pretty good role model, so we allow her to follow her). We have had a few people we don't know ask to follow my daughter, but hey, that's what the delete button is for.

And yes we have used it :) 

When we decided that she could have Instagram, we went over the rules with her. We have total access to all her electronics and know the password for each one. If we feel like she is not being responsible then she will lose her privilege of having an IG account. so far we have had no issues (keeping my fingers crossed)!

I found this great blog on how to monitor your kid's social media, and while she only has one social media account (IG), I found it was a great read!

Check it out here

What is your stance on Social media and children? DO you allow some of it, all of it, or none at all?

Tuesday, October 31, 2017

Flu Bug and Shopping

The flu bug has hit my daughter got it first, and just as we were celebrating her 1st day of being fever hit me.

It hit hard.

I had cold chills followed by hot flashes, a sore throat that felt like I was swallowing razor blades every time I attempted to drink or eat. My body ached and I couldn't for the life of me get comfortable, which made it nearly impossible for me to sleep.

My family rallied around me and has been amazing in taking care of me. My hubby has made food runs, cleaned the kitchen, and basically has done everything that I have asked of him. He even took her to her Ice Skating lessons so I wouldn't have to get out. I LOVE that man...poor guy has started to have a cough and sneeze issues...please say a prayer he doesn't get this. My Daughter has also been a great help. She has kept the house straight, made me cards, given me hugs right when I needed them the most. mostly she has just been here...making me feel better as much as she can, and I love her for that :)

Today, I woke up bright and early (read, I was unable to sleep due to my body feeling like it was bruised) to the thought that, while I have been sick and resting, I forgot that I DIDN'T go shopping like I meant to the day before I got sick. I was cleaning the church and decided that I could shop on Sunday after church. Needless to say...I didn't get out of bed on Sunday, and that means I didn't go shopping.

Which means....

There is NO food in my home!

OK, back up...there is food, but you would have to pop it in the oven, or crock pot, not something I want to do when I am sick. We are out of the fresh foods like fruit and veggies. We have no Cheese, and we are almost out of milk and water.

My hubby offered to go to the store, but since I keep my list in my head, and adjust what I want as I shop, its just easier for me to do the shopping.and it is time for me to go shopping. even if I am sick, even if I look like a dead person, and even if its the last thing I want to do! Its time.

I wrote all of this to let you know, if you see me at the store today, Just pretend I am dressed up as the "Flu Bug" and give me a wide berth. trust me you do NOT want this.

Happy Halloween Everyone. Stay safe, Stay warm, and have FUN.

Sunday, October 29, 2017

Confessions of a Fan Girl: When We Fall

Confessions of a Fan Girl: When You Fall

We are works in progress…we will fall, we will bomb, and we will feel like the worst Christians in the world. Trust me I have been there. More often than I would like to admit. When I first started my journey, I was flying know the feeling…nothing in the world could bring me down…and then I fell…HARD!  I didn’t think I would ever be worthy enough to even ask God to forgive me, let alone Him do so.

Now before you say “you felt like this because of a show/book/fandom? Let me just say this…NO I didn’t feel like that because of those things. I felt like this because my heart was full of sin and self-doubt. I was not where I personally wanted to be with God, and I didn’t think that I ever could be. I questioned everything, I had isolated myself not only from my family and friends, but also from my church family. I felt alone. I wasn’t…but I sure did feel that way.

It was very hard for me to confess this to my husband, because I had hid how I felt for so long. He didn’t even know what was happening in my heart, because I was ashamed to tell him. In my mind, I had failed as a wife and mother, and that thought devastated me. It took me to dark corners inside my heart and mind that I hid myself in. It led me to believe untruths, and contemplate things that I would never had thought about...those dark corners, those whispers that were not of God, led me to believe I was unlovable, that I would never be enough. I was plagued with nightmares. And because of those nightmares, I would go days with no sleep. Because sleeping meant that I would be in a world that terrified me. I tried to be happy around my family, and I succeeded in putting on a great show, but I just couldn’t seem to actually be happy on the inside.

This in not just about a fandom, no this is about the war that is fought on spiritual ground. I let something in that crept into every part of my life, and it was not going to let me go. When I opened up the door of my heart and allowed in witches, vampires, and yes my favorite man in a blue box, I said to the devil, make yourself at home.

And he did.

The moment I started saying he was an unwelcome guest in my heart, he started fighting back. And when the devil fights back, he fights dirty. He called up every sin I had ever committed, every word I had spoken in anger. Every time I had gossiped, or listened to gossip, every time I had failed…it was all there.  I would lay down to go to sleep, and it was like a movie playing in my mind. I would lay awake and cry, and I would beg God to forgive me and I would hear a faint whisper “you are not good enough, He will never forgive you” and I believed it for the longest time.
It wasn’t until I was sitting in a church service and I heard a minister say that if I had asked God to forgive me, that He had already done so. What I had to work on was forgiving myself.

It was life changing.

I started thanking God for his forgiveness and asking him to help me forgive myself. The freedom you can receive in just knowing that God has already given His forgiveness can be overwhelming.

For me it was a game changer. It changed my outlook on life, it made me realize that the whispers saying I wasn’t good enough, were not true. I could be the filthiest sinner, with the blackest heart, and God would still look on me with His amazing love.

Growing up in the church, and having heard this my whole life, it makes me wonder why I didn’t piece it together sooner. I knew that God loved me. I knew that He would always be there for me, and I knew that no matter what I did He would still love me…I knew all of that, and yet I allowed the devil to whisper lies to me, and because I was so full of self-loathing, I believed the lies over the truth that I had been taught my whole life.

When we fall, our Heavenly father is going to be there, with His hands wide open, ready to save us, but He will not be the only one there.
The devil loves it when we fail. He will not give up one opportunity to make us doubt ourselves, or the love of God. He is going to be shadowing us, waiting for and encouraging us from the sidelines to fall. 

When we fail, he is there to whisper in our ears. He will start by saying “we are not worthy of God’s love.” He will then get into our head and tell us how many times we have failed, that we must be ready to give up by now. He will make us question everything we have done. And we must not let him! We must stand strong and call on Jesus! Go to scripture and pray His word. 

Psalm 86:5 says “For You, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive. And abundant in loving kindness to ALL who call upon you.”

The devil has no control over us unless we give it to him. He hates when we call out to God, because he knows that Gods promise are to all of Gods children, not just to some, like he would have us believe. 

When we fall, it is so important that we get back up, we call on God, and we move forward, without looking back. When we glance back at our past failures, all we are doing is making it easier for the devil to put a stumbling block back in front of us. And if he can cause us to stumble, based on a past failure then he has done his job. What can make us give up faster, then failing over and over again on the same thing?

He will use everything in his power to make us fall, because when we are down, he can feed off of our despair and shame.

This is why it is so important to guard our hearts from the get go. If I had never allowed him entrance into my home and heart, I would not be battling him years after the fact. My daughter wouldn’t have had to go through 6 months of night terrors. I wouldn’t struggle every time I see something that has a supernatural element to it. Yes, I still struggle daily…I am constantly asking God for the strength to not fall victim to something that may seem “harmless” to someone else. I pray every day that God will place hedges around my home and the hearts of my family. We are now very strict about what we allow into our home, because we know what it can do. We know that while it may seem harmless to some, for our family it is a gateway to something worse.

Remember, When you dance with the devil, he is the one leading.NO matter how much you "think" you are in charge, you are not.

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

Lay It Down

I'm waiting for a prayer to be answered...

I have been waiting for quite a while now.

Everyday I whisper the same prayer over and over again in my mind.

I have "talks" with God about how this prayer being answered will CHANGE my life.

I sit and try to figure out what I can do to make the situation know cause that works, right?

I even talk to my hubby about the "what if's" of this prayer....

I believe with my whole heart that we serve a prayer answering God. There is no doubt in my mind that He will answer my prayer.

And yet, I still lay awake worrying about this "unanswered prayer."

Have you ever done that? laid awake worrying about a situation that you have prayed over and asked God to take care of?

Why do we worry about something that we have already placed in Gods hands?

Why do we stress out when it is not answered right away.

Let me be honest with you...Yes I believe in prayer, and yes I know that God is going to answer my prayer....that is not what I lay awake worrying about.

I lay awake worrying about HOW He is going to answer my prayers.

Will the answer
be YES, or will it be a NO??

Will I have to wait for a while or is it something that will never happen?

Will the healing come in the form of a miracle, or will they be healed when they are taken from this world?

Not all answers to my prayers are what I want.

How many of us, know the answers we want from God? We pray for Gods will, but in the back of our minds we are hoping that His will and ours are the same.

which is crazy if you think about it. God created everything...the best thing I have been able to "create" is a wreath made out of old song books. and its not even that good.

God is perfect in EVERYTHING, His timing is PERFECT, His answers, even if they are not the ones I want to hear, are PERFECT.

and yet...I still worry.

I still struggle with the answers He gives me.

It is a struggle that I am trying to over come. I want to lay my worries, my fears, and my doubts at His feet, and leave them there.

Which  is so much easier said then done. Whenever I start to worry about what I have already prayed about, I  tell myself "God is in control."

I am working on laying it all down, and not picking it back up..I am working on trusting and accepting His answers to my prayers....It is a  work in progress.

If you are struggling with what you have already given over to God, take the time to listen  this song.

 Our God is GREATER then our worries. His timing is perfect,  and when He answers our prayers (which He will do), regardless of the answer, it is for OUR GOOD!

Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Let go, and Let God...


It happens.

Even if we wish we could slow the world down, and just rest in the moment we are in, life will continue to slip on by.

I realized that I have spent over 1/2 of my life wondering what people will think about me.

I am 37,and I still worry about how people will react to something I say or do.

recently my husband and I,  after much thought and prayer, decided that taking a step back and letting go of somethings/relationships was the right thing for us and our family.  But with this decision, came the "what if" game. A game I loathe. There are so many variables and to be honest you NEVER know what the other person is thinking...its all what you perceive them to be thinking.
That's the problem with playing this game, there are no winners. People will talk about you, they will speculate as to why you made certain choices, which is only human many times have we all done that?

Sometimes, giving something up and walking away from it can not only be freeing to you, but to those around you as well.

this is where we are. looking at what is before us, trying to see where we best fit, and realizing that sometimes there isn't a perfect fit, and that that is OK.

its OK, to take a stand, to be who you are, with out being afraid of what people will think of you. IT really is OK...I am saying this to myself as much as anyone reading this.

We are made in God's image...He molded us and made us into who He wanted us to be. Therefore it seems to me that what "He thinks of me" is all I should be worried about.

We shouldn't play the what if game, or worry that we are not enough. As long as we are walking in the path that He laid out for us, we are good to go.

Don't let the fear of what others think about you(real or imagined), keep you from becoming what God desires you to be.

Let go of the fear, the guilt, the anxiety and just rest in the knowledge that you are living your life for the one who made one else!

What he has in store for you, will be bigger then anything you can imagine! His Plans are FOR US!!!

They may not be what/where we though they would be, but they are perfect for us.

Let go, and let God! 

Sunday, July 30, 2017

Panic Mode

A few days ago I freaked out....seriously I had true moment of panic. And when I panic, I start trying to figure things out for myself, instead of letting go and letting God take control.

For more then a few weeks, my husband and I have been feeling the need to attend prayer at our church, only problem was that it fell on a day I was working. Every time we would go to Church we would hear about how awesome Family Prayer night was, and how God was moving and answering prayers, and I would feel like I was missing out. that we were not faithful to the house of God, and that we NEEDED to be at Family Prayer, as a family. It was a feeling that kept getting stronger and stronger and finally we both decided that no matter what our family was going to start attending Family Prayer! I talked to my boss, gave them two weeks notice about my availability and started the 2 week count down....really, I was counting down the days.

Then the last day came, and while I was jumping for joy on the outside, something deep with me started questioning...

"Did we do the right thing?"

"How were we going to make it without my extra hours?"

"Maybe we cut too many hours?"

The questions and "what ifs" kept swirling around in my head ALL DAY LONG! until I just couldn't take it any more. I reached for my phone and sent my hubby a slew of texts telling him "how wrong I was for cutting my hours", that I should "call and see if I could get them back", "what were we thinking".....I am sure you can see where these messages were headed, so Ill save you having to read them all.

Panic had officially set in, and instead of me turning to God, I texted my husband about how stressed I was and how scared I was that we had made the wrong decision.

Thankfully my Husband didn't text me back with panic stricken messages, confirming my, he reminded me that we BOTH had made this decision, that we BOTH had felt that this was what God wanted for our family, and that we BOTH WANTED to be more available for God to use us, and with my schedule that was not a possibility.

He reminded me of something I already knew....and yet I had let go of those truths, and focused on my fears.  

I spent a day worrying and trying to figure out/plan what could happen, that I lost sight of the fact that we were following what we believed was God's will for our family and lives.

Today we went to church as a family, and we worshiped together, and I felt PEACE.

And that  is what it is all about. Moving closer as a family to God, Having more time for Kingdom Work, and above all else...making sure that our hearts are ready.

There may be stressful days ahead, and more moments filled with PANIC, but I can look back and know that my peace is not in how "I can make it all work out," but in how I KNOW that God WILL work it out.