Tuesday, September 12, 2017

Lay It Down

I'm waiting for a prayer to be answered...

I have been waiting for quite a while now.

Everyday I whisper the same prayer over and over again in my mind.

I have "talks" with God about how this prayer being answered will CHANGE my life.

I sit and try to figure out what I can do to make the situation better...you know cause that works, right?

I even talk to my hubby about the "what if's" of this prayer....

I believe with my whole heart that we serve a prayer answering God. There is no doubt in my mind that He will answer my prayer.

And yet, I still lay awake worrying about this "unanswered prayer."

Have you ever done that? laid awake worrying about a situation that you have prayed over and asked God to take care of?

Why do we worry about something that we have already placed in Gods hands?

Why do we stress out when it is not answered right away.

Let me be honest with you...Yes I believe in prayer, and yes I know that God is going to answer my prayer....that is not what I lay awake worrying about.

I lay awake worrying about HOW He is going to answer my prayers.

Will the answer
be YES, or will it be a NO??

Will I have to wait for a while or is it something that will never happen?

Will the healing come in the form of a miracle, or will they be healed when they are taken from this world?

Not all answers to my prayers are what I want.

How many of us, know the answers we want from God? We pray for Gods will, but in the back of our minds we are hoping that His will and ours are the same.

which is crazy if you think about it. God created everything...the best thing I have been able to "create" is a wreath made out of old song books. and its not even that good.

God is perfect in EVERYTHING, His timing is PERFECT, His answers, even if they are not the ones I want to hear, are PERFECT.

and yet...I still worry.

I still struggle with the answers He gives me.

It is a struggle that I am trying to over come. I want to lay my worries, my fears, and my doubts at His feet, and leave them there.

Which  is so much easier said then done. Whenever I start to worry about what I have already prayed about, I  tell myself "God is in control."

I am working on laying it all down, and not picking it back up..I am working on trusting and accepting His answers to my prayers....It is a  work in progress.

If you are struggling with what you have already given over to God, take the time to listen  this song.

 Our God is GREATER then our worries. His timing is perfect,  and when He answers our prayers (which He will do), regardless of the answer, it is for OUR GOOD!

Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Let go, and Let God...


It happens.

Even if we wish we could slow the world down, and just rest in the moment we are in, life will continue to slip on by.

I realized that I have spent over 1/2 of my life wondering what people will think about me.

I am 37,and I still worry about how people will react to something I say or do.

recently my husband and I,  after much thought and prayer, decided that taking a step back and letting go of somethings/relationships was the right thing for us and our family.  But with this decision, came the "what if" game. A game I loathe. There are so many variables and to be honest you NEVER know what the other person is thinking...its all what you perceive them to be thinking.
That's the problem with playing this game, there are no winners. People will talk about you, they will speculate as to why you made certain choices, which is only human nature...how many times have we all done that?

Sometimes, giving something up and walking away from it can not only be freeing to you, but to those around you as well.

this is where we are. looking at what is before us, trying to see where we best fit, and realizing that sometimes there isn't a perfect fit, and that that is OK.

its OK, to take a stand, to be who you are, with out being afraid of what people will think of you. IT really is OK...I am saying this to myself as much as anyone reading this.

We are made in God's image...He molded us and made us into who He wanted us to be. Therefore it seems to me that what "He thinks of me" is all I should be worried about.

We shouldn't play the what if game, or worry that we are not enough. As long as we are walking in the path that He laid out for us, we are good to go.

Don't let the fear of what others think about you(real or imagined), keep you from becoming what God desires you to be.

Let go of the fear, the guilt, the anxiety and just rest in the knowledge that you are living your life for the one who made you...no one else!

What he has in store for you, will be bigger then anything you can imagine! His Plans are FOR US!!!

They may not be what/where we though they would be, but they are perfect for us.

Let go, and let God! 

Sunday, July 30, 2017

Panic Mode

A few days ago I freaked out....seriously I had true moment of panic. And when I panic, I start trying to figure things out for myself, instead of letting go and letting God take control.

For more then a few weeks, my husband and I have been feeling the need to attend prayer at our church, only problem was that it fell on a day I was working. Every time we would go to Church we would hear about how awesome Family Prayer night was, and how God was moving and answering prayers, and I would feel like I was missing out. that we were not faithful to the house of God, and that we NEEDED to be at Family Prayer, as a family. It was a feeling that kept getting stronger and stronger and finally we both decided that no matter what our family was going to start attending Family Prayer! I talked to my boss, gave them two weeks notice about my availability and started the 2 week count down....really, I was counting down the days.

Then the last day came, and while I was jumping for joy on the outside, something deep with me started questioning...

"Did we do the right thing?"

"How were we going to make it without my extra hours?"

"Maybe we cut too many hours?"

The questions and "what ifs" kept swirling around in my head ALL DAY LONG! until I just couldn't take it any more. I reached for my phone and sent my hubby a slew of texts telling him "how wrong I was for cutting my hours", that I should "call and see if I could get them back", "what were we thinking".....I am sure you can see where these messages were headed, so Ill save you having to read them all.

Panic had officially set in, and instead of me turning to God, I texted my husband about how stressed I was and how scared I was that we had made the wrong decision.

Thankfully my Husband didn't text me back with panic stricken messages, confirming my fears...no, he reminded me that we BOTH had made this decision, that we BOTH had felt that this was what God wanted for our family, and that we BOTH WANTED to be more available for God to use us, and with my schedule that was not a possibility.

He reminded me of something I already knew....and yet I had let go of those truths, and focused on my fears.  

I spent a day worrying and trying to figure out/plan what could happen, that I lost sight of the fact that we were following what we believed was God's will for our family and lives.

Today we went to church as a family, and we worshiped together, and I felt PEACE.

And that  is what it is all about. Moving closer as a family to God, Having more time for Kingdom Work, and above all else...making sure that our hearts are ready.

There may be stressful days ahead, and more moments filled with PANIC, but I can look back and know that my peace is not in how "I can make it all work out," but in how I KNOW that God WILL work it out.

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

Little Reminders

Lately I have realized that even though I have lived in this house for more years then my parents have been gone, somethings still remain the same. Sitting on the shelves above my pantry are my moms cake stands, special pie holders, and her box of spoons from her "Kid's Spoon Band." A few of our cabinets still hold her Christmas decorations. My kitchen wall holds a mural that she started painting before she and my father moved, and we moved in, it is unfinished, but I love it all the same. Sometimes I just walk over to it and lightly place my hand over it...it is something she created, touched, and loved. In my living room I have a buffet they they used, a piano that my mom would sit and play at while she and my father sang together, oh how I miss listening to them sing together, they harmonized so beautifully! I also have a record player, that no longer works, but will always have a place in my home, because I remember how excited my father was when my mom bought it for him. These things are small, and I am sure mean nothing to anyone but me and my family, but they are a connection to my parents, one that I love being surrendered with. From where I sit, I can see reminders of them, of their love for each other, and for their family. There may come a day, when I no longer need these little reminders, but for now, I will keep them close, smile when I see them, and remember all the wonderful memories we made as a family.

Friday, June 16, 2017

10 things I learned This Week

10 things I Learned This Week!

1. I am not the best driver in the world...even though I think that I am. Apparently the people in the surrounding cars, with that look of absolute horror on their face would beg to differ and would appreciate a warning the next time I decide to take a drive.

2. I dont have house elves....this actually surprised me. I mean there must be someone else besides me that picks up, but alas there is none. When something gets dropped on the floor and I am not magically there to pick it up, the same item will lay on the floor until I turn into a monster and demand that it be picked up. I really must look in to getting a magical creature to live in my home.

3. My family thinks I am crazy...ok to be honest, I already knew this..but I look at it like this, I may be crazy, and do crazy stuff, but they have to keep loving me...lol they are my family!

4. My hubby lets me makes mistakes, even though he wants to scream "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING," because he knows that I am the type of person how needs to learn from experience, and he is always there to pick me up when my GRAND plan doesn't work out the way I had "envisioned it."

5. I am BLESSED!!! I already knew this one as well, but I am continually amazed at how God blesses me and my family on a daily basis. Just today we had a "God Thing" happen, right when we needed it. Truly AMAZING!

6.My home will never be spotless...I have given up on that dream. I would love to have the type of home that is always "company ready" but what I have decided to settle on is a home that is "friend ready" instead. my friend know that I homeschool, they know that I work part time outside the home, and that my hubby and I run our Oil business as well...they are OK with a little bit of clutter, an un-swept floor, and the chaos that is sometimes my home. I would rather my home be "friend ready" then living in a home that is ready for "company" but not lived in. so if you are friends, stop by anytime, if you are "company" please give me a few hours notice!!

7. I am a list/calendar type of girl...with out my to do list, I feel lost. If something doesn't make it on the calendar then it doesn't get done. my brain is crazy like that! so if you see me with multiple lists you can assume that my life is in order and I am not going crazy, even though I am pretty sure that is what it looks like :)

8. I love to write...I have multiple stories that I have started (and need to finish), so when my daughter asked me if she could write a book as part of her schooling this summer (yes we school off and on during the summer months, it works best for us) I was so excited!! she is very creative and has been writing short stories, and scripts for a few years,  and I cant wait to see what she thinks up in the next few months!

9. I need "reading/writing time" in my life. I find that when I am over stressed that simply sitting down to write or read a book recharges me more so then sitting and watching a movie. we put a chair just for me in our bedroom, and I love escaping and sitting in the quiet with my books/writing pad and just resting. I need to carve out time for this to happen daily. Making sure that I am recharged and not running on empty is something new to me. I usually and working hard to make sure everything is done, but I know that it wears me down, stresses me out and then no one wants to be around me. these few moments of me time, not only helps me, but helps those who I interact with daily! I had to learn that it was OK for me to tell my loved one that I needed to be alone.

10. Lastly and most importantly......Grace is NEVER ending. Not only the grace that God gives me on a daily (OK, sometimes its hourly) basis, but also the grace that we extend to others and to ourselves. Gods grace is perfect, and while I am in no way perfect, I still strive to be like Christ, and in order to be like Him, I must give grace like Him. I wont lie, it can be hard, and I fail at it daily.It is important to show others the grace that God has given us. I have had to take a deep breath and calm my own heart, before I can offer Grace to others. I am a work in progress, and I am OK with that.

Thursday, May 11, 2017

A Modified Adventure in Baking

Today is Heart rehab day in the Gregory household, which is why I am up at 5:30, popping Milk-less muffins into the oven. They are quick and easy to make, I can control what goes into them, and they will give my tired family something that they can grab and eat on the way.

 Baking for me is an outlet, one I have had to curb since my hubby's heart attack. Gone are the days of Cinnamon rolls, cakes, special cookies, and loafs of homemade bread. Instead we have been eating more whole foods, and trying to watch everything that we bring into our home. It has been hard, and I wont lie, I have slipped up and failed. just the other day I thought, "one meal won't matter"...unfortunately everyone in my family started feeling icky after eating that one meal.

Its just not worth it.

For someone like me, who Loves to bake, and cook from scratch, who finds joy in making something that her family loves, it has been a struggle. One I have cried about, talked about in great length to my friends about, and suffered over.

 I have LOVED to bake since I was a child, something that I have passed on to my daughter, and it seemed like something I identified with was being taken away from me. This morning as I got up early, I was so excited because I got to bake for my family. I did have to modify my recipe a little to make it healthier for my hubby, but I was still baking. And do you know what... it felt GREAT!!! I may not be able to bake every day, and have my family eat what I have lovingly made for them, unfortunately that season of our life has passed, but I can still on occasion find, or modify recipes that they can eat. I am always looking for low calorie, low carb, heart healthy recipes, and while it may take me a while to find some "Great" ones, I am slowly building up my recipe box. This family's adventure in baking is not over....its just been modified a little, and that's OK.

Sunday, April 23, 2017

I am blessed

It is almost midnight and I am so ready for bed! As I sit here and contemplate if I have enough energy to walk from the living room to my bedroom to change clothes, I realize that I really dont care.  I will more then likely end up crawling into bed, not caring about the fact that I am still wearing my work clothes....Please tell me that I am not the only person who does this.

Tonight was a long night....I had a less then perfect shift at my part time job...which made me cranky, and no one likes me when I am cranky! Seriously,  I dont even like me when I'm cranky!

I was feeling overwhelmed by my job,and I was to the point that I wanted to leave my shift early...yeah that's how well my night was going! I try to put my best foot forward in everything, and I have been looking for blessings in others and in the situations I find myself in, but tonight,....I just couldn't find ANY

Until I came home, that is...My family knew I was having a less then stellar night, and my hubby was waiting outside for me when I drove up, and as I was walking up to the door, my daughter ran out to give me "4 hugs!"

After the night I had, I needed all the hugs she would give me.

Sometimes I wonder if God allows us to go through bad nights, just so we can realize how blessed we are. Maybe tonight's frustration was nothing more then God reminding me that He has given me an amazing family and that I should be thankful for them.

Maybe this is His way of telling me to stop looking for blessings in everything else and start seeing the ones He has placed right in front of me.

How many times do we look elsewhere for what we think we want or need, only to find out that what we truly wanted and needed had been in front of us the whole time.

My family is a blessing...a Blessing that we almost lost apart of a few weeks ago.  My husband, who is only 35, had a heart attack, and while I watched him fighting to breathe, and I saw the nurses  scrambling to help him, I stood there helpless. There was my husband, my best friend, my love, my soul mate, laying on an ER bed, having a heart attack, and the only thing running through my mind was "you are going to lose him."

I have NEVER been that scared in my life.  Even now, the memory of that moment, makes me cry. The fear is still there....it is ever present. Anytime I hear his breath catch, I stop and wait to make sure he takes another breath. I lay awake at night listing to make sure he is OK. I dont know how long this will go on, and my husband has told me "not to worry," but I do.  And I will. For a long time to come, because the thought of facing life with out this man beside me, terrifies me.

And yet, I am blessed.

I know this to be true, because I know with out a shadow of a doubt, that they only thing that saved my husband from the "widow maker" heart attack he had, was the hand of God. So many people were praying for him, and I know that every prayer lifted to heaven in behalf of my husband, was heard.

I am blessed.

The last few weeks have been hard, we are adjusting to a new normal, a new lifestyle, and we as a family have all been a little stressed, to say the least...and then there was tonight, where God allowed me to see what was right in front of me. My blessings, My loves, My family.

I am blessed.