Tuesday, August 16, 2016

Uncluttering My Life

The last few days have been pretty hectic around our house! Our homeschooling year starts the 6th of September, and I am in full "Crazy cleaning/purging" mom mode! I think I may have made a bigger mess in my house then what was here before. I cant be the only one who has to make a mess in order to organize/clean....right? So far today, I have gotten rid of pictures, wall decorations, clothes my daughter no longer fits in, and a fair amount of books (yes, I am cringing as I write about my books, but it must be done)! My goal is to focus on each room in my home, until it is de-cluttered and deep cleaned, BEFORE school starts!

While my house looks nothing like I want it to...and if you stop by, please remember that I am "working" on more then one project at a time....it will soon be "sorted."

In the midst of cleaning/rearranging I am also planning out my daughters schedule for this fall.....so if you can imagine my living room with boxes by the door that are going to people, school books on the coffee table, my daughters toys on the floor, and random books stacked everywhere, waiting for a home........in other words imagine CHAOS!

That's where I am at this point in my life....complete and utter chaos...while I am trying to see the end goal (yes I do have one), but at this moment all I see is the clutter around me. It is really starting to annoy me...and I'm pretty sure my wonderful hubby feels the same way...he may or may not have tripped over the wall decorations that were in the middle of the room the other day! lets just say, I'm glad he loves me for better of for worse!

Unfortunately, the clutter in my home, is not the only clutter that I have been consumed with...Its amazing how little things can clutter up your mind...listing to other peoples problems, even if they are the ones telling them to you, can clutter up your mind.

Worrying about what people think about you, or what they are saying about you...clutters up your mind.

Spending to much time worrying about the past or the future will clutter up your mind.

I have been cluttering up my mind with un-needed stuff...worrying about my past, worrying about what people think about me, worrying about what will happen in our future...it is nothing but clutter!!!

I am in the mood to de-clutter everything....not only in my home, but in my whole life!

While I was cleaning today, I was thinking about all the clutter that is in our lives. and I had a "light bulb" moment... I dont need this in my life to be happy. I don't need the extra worry, the constantly thinking about "what if's", the nagging voice in the back of my mind telling me what people "may think."

After coming to this realization, I also realized that the reason all this clutter was in my house/life, was because I ALLOWED it to be there. I brought it in to my house/life and the only way I can de-clutter is to evaluate everything. Is it worth keeping, does it bring me joy, am I a better person because it is in my life?

some things (in both my house and life) I said YES to....but there were way more things that I needed to say No to.

At the top of my list were, negative relationships. They dont uplift, or bring happiness to me or my family.  what they do bring is unnecessary clutter and chaos to our life. so while I was throwing out the old DVDs and packing away clothes to give away, I started making a list of what I wanted less of and what I wanted more of in our lives. As the start of the school year is quickly approaching, I want less clutter, less negativity, and less distractions. I want more time to spend with my family, more time spent working for Gods Kingdom, and more time focusing on the relationships I have that are healthy for both me and my family!

my house/life didn't become cluttered overnight....no, it was a long processes that I have been feeding my whole life. unfortunately, becasue it took so long to get to where I am, its going to take me longer then one day to de-clutter. I will be working on this for awhile. I am sure that just like with the chaos that is my home at the moment, I will get frustrated and annoyed, when I see the "work in progress" that is my life, but if I can just remember that there is an end goal, I will be OK.

Sometimes we have to make bigger messes, in order to take care of the ones we have already created!


Tuesday, August 2, 2016


Its been a while....maybe too long. But I am here now, willing to open my heart and let anyone who is curious enough, to take a look inside.

When you think of grief, what do you think of?

Is it of someone who is sitting in a quiet room surrounded by their loved ones things?

Is it a crying woman, clinging to the picture of their lost loved one?

What does grief look like....?

If you look at me, what would you see?

Would you see the tears hidden behind my smiles and jokes? would you hear the catch in my voice every time I talk about my parents. Would you know that sometimes I cry in the shower, with the water drowning out my sorrow so that my daughter doesn't hear me cry.

This is what my grief looks like.

For each person, grief takes on a different look. It can never be the same, for each one of us loves differently, so therefor we will each grieve differently.

I realize that this can be a topic that makes some uncomfortable, but it is what many of us are living through. Every day is filled with memories and moments that you want to share when the ones you have lost.

And every day takes you one day further from the day where you lost them, they day that your life changed forever.

This can be good and bad...its good because time does tend to heal wounds....but on the other hand, time is going by without the ones you love beside you.

Time will always march forward, never stopping so we can adjust to the new normal that is our life. Sometimes it feels like we need to push ourselves to heal quicker, to "get over" our grief...but that is not how our hearts are wired. We were created by God,  and He knows that we can sometimes be an emotional mess. He know the process that we each have to go through, in order to get through  a profound loss in our lives.

I am so thankful that He does not judge me for the moments in my life when I have been "less then perfect" in my walk through this tough time. That He never walked away from me, but instead kept His hand stretched out to me, ready for the moment when I would reach out in my desperation and grab a hold of it.

The one thing I have learned while walking through grief, is that His love never fails. He has reminded me over and over again that He is always walking with me. I have been finding comfort in this knowledge, and the knowledge that I will see my loved ones again.

Until that day, I will cling to Gods promise, that He will never leave me or forsake me. I will continue on my path though grief, and hopefully there will come a day when the grief wont overshadow me, where the tears wont fall, and when I think about my parents, all I will do is smile :) It may not be tomorrow, or even next week.....but I will get there, someday.

A Wise Woman Builds Her Home