It is almost midnight and I am so ready for bed! As I sit here and contemplate if I have enough energy to walk from the living room to my bedroom to change clothes, I realize that I really dont care. I will more then likely end up crawling into bed, not caring about the fact that I am still wearing my work clothes....Please tell me that I am not the only person who does this.
Tonight was a long night....I had a less then perfect shift at my part time job...which made me cranky, and no one likes me when I am cranky! Seriously, I dont even like me when I'm cranky!
I was feeling overwhelmed by my job,and I was to the point that I wanted to leave my shift early...yeah that's how well my night was going! I try to put my best foot forward in everything, and I have been looking
for blessings in others and in the situations I find myself in, but
tonight,....I just couldn't find ANY
Until I came home, that is...My family knew I was having a less then stellar night, and my hubby was waiting outside for me when I drove up, and as I was walking up to the door, my daughter ran out to give me "4 hugs!"
After the night I had, I needed all the hugs she would give me.
Sometimes I wonder if God allows us to go through bad nights, just so we can realize how blessed we are. Maybe tonight's frustration was nothing more then God reminding me that He has given me an amazing family and that I should be thankful for them.
Maybe this is His way of telling me to stop looking for blessings in everything else and start seeing the ones He has placed right in front of me.
How many times do we look elsewhere for what we think we want or need, only to find out that what we truly wanted and needed had been in front of us the whole time.
My family is a blessing...a Blessing that we almost lost apart of a few weeks ago. My husband, who is only 35, had a heart attack, and while I watched him fighting to breathe, and I saw the nurses scrambling to help him, I stood there helpless. There was my husband, my best friend, my love, my soul mate, laying on an ER bed, having a heart attack, and the only thing running through my mind was "you are going to lose him."
I have NEVER been that scared in my life. Even now, the memory of that moment, makes me cry. The fear is still there....it is ever present. Anytime I hear his breath catch, I stop and wait to make sure he takes another breath. I lay awake at night listing to make sure he is OK. I dont know how long this will go on, and my husband has told me "not to worry," but I do. And I will. For a long time to come, because the thought of facing life with out this man beside me, terrifies me.
And yet, I am blessed.
I know this to be true, because I know with out a shadow of a doubt, that they only thing that saved my husband from the "widow maker" heart attack he had, was the hand of God. So many people were praying for him, and I know that every prayer lifted to heaven in behalf of my husband, was heard.
I am blessed.
The last few weeks have been hard, we are adjusting to a new normal, a new lifestyle, and we as a family have all been a little stressed, to say the least...and then there was tonight, where God allowed me to see what was right in front of me. My blessings, My loves, My family.
I am blessed.