Sunday, July 30, 2017

Panic Mode

A few days ago I freaked out....seriously I had true moment of panic. And when I panic, I start trying to figure things out for myself, instead of letting go and letting God take control.

For more then a few weeks, my husband and I have been feeling the need to attend prayer at our church, only problem was that it fell on a day I was working. Every time we would go to Church we would hear about how awesome Family Prayer night was, and how God was moving and answering prayers, and I would feel like I was missing out. that we were not faithful to the house of God, and that we NEEDED to be at Family Prayer, as a family. It was a feeling that kept getting stronger and stronger and finally we both decided that no matter what our family was going to start attending Family Prayer! I talked to my boss, gave them two weeks notice about my availability and started the 2 week count down....really, I was counting down the days.

Then the last day came, and while I was jumping for joy on the outside, something deep with me started questioning...

"Did we do the right thing?"

"How were we going to make it without my extra hours?"

"Maybe we cut too many hours?"

The questions and "what ifs" kept swirling around in my head ALL DAY LONG! until I just couldn't take it any more. I reached for my phone and sent my hubby a slew of texts telling him "how wrong I was for cutting my hours", that I should "call and see if I could get them back", "what were we thinking".....I am sure you can see where these messages were headed, so Ill save you having to read them all.

Panic had officially set in, and instead of me turning to God, I texted my husband about how stressed I was and how scared I was that we had made the wrong decision.

Thankfully my Husband didn't text me back with panic stricken messages, confirming my fears...no, he reminded me that we BOTH had made this decision, that we BOTH had felt that this was what God wanted for our family, and that we BOTH WANTED to be more available for God to use us, and with my schedule that was not a possibility.

He reminded me of something I already knew....and yet I had let go of those truths, and focused on my fears.  

I spent a day worrying and trying to figure out/plan what could happen, that I lost sight of the fact that we were following what we believed was God's will for our family and lives.

Today we went to church as a family, and we worshiped together, and I felt PEACE.

And that  is what it is all about. Moving closer as a family to God, Having more time for Kingdom Work, and above all else...making sure that our hearts are ready.

There may be stressful days ahead, and more moments filled with PANIC, but I can look back and know that my peace is not in how "I can make it all work out," but in how I KNOW that God WILL work it out.