Skip to main content

No words

There are no words to express what we are going through...I couldn't even begin to describe the hurt that we are experiencing. 

Watching a loved one slip away, a little more with each day, is emotionally draining. 

The hardest thing is knowing that with each passing moment, it could be her last. 

I have taken to hugging her and "tucking her in" multiple times a night...because I'm so afraid that it will be the last time I get to do so. 

My sister and I have spent the night holding her hand, whispering to her that "it's ok" if she needs to go....that we "understand." 

I need to cry, but I'm afraid that once the tears start, I will not be able to recover...and we have to be strong, for mom...for the kids...for each other. 

Even though I know that I need to be strong...i'm not.

I want to curl up in my moms bed, like I did when I was scared as a child, and have her wrap her arms around me and tell me  "it's ok." 

I want her to tell me that she's "here" and there is nothing to be scared of. 

I want her to comfort me and ease my fears....instead the roles are reversed...we are comforting her, telling her that she's not alone, and that we are here for her. 

We are taking care of her....it's so hard to fathom that my sister and I have taken over the role of parent in the last few days...

I wouldn't wish this on anyone, but caring for, loving on, comforting her,  and easing her fears has been an honor. 

We have been able to show her how much she means to us. To tell her how much we love and appreciate her. It's been some of the hardest days, but also some of the sweetest. 

My mom loved us girls with all her heart....and we have been able to show that we love her with all of ours. 

Each morning with her, we are given another day to show her how much we love her and that she means the world to us. 

Those words are easy to write...they are filled with love...

The hard words are filled with doubt, fear and anger...not at God, but at the situation we are yet again facing. 

For those feelings I have no words....and that's ok...because God doesn't need to hear our words...He can see our hearts and the hurt that we are going through.

And even when it seems like we are standing alone in the middle of this storm, I can still feel His hand holding tight to mine, and I am clinging to Him. 












Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Having to say Goodbye

Saying good bye to someone is never easy, especially if you know that it may be the Last time you may ever see them, hug them, whisper that you Love them. You want to hold on to them forever and never let go......and then you have to leave...with that doubt in your mind, the whispered lies floating through your mind, taking root, that you were not there enough, that you didn't hug, kiss, or say you loved them enough. It's enough to crush you...enough to make you want to hide away from everyone.....even yourself. This is where we are...my Beautiful Mom is on hospice..and I am trying to wrap my head around that word.. Hospice......such a scary word....its  the knowledge that the end is near, but never knowing when that final day will come.  The past few months we have been making every opportunity to be with her, we knew this was coming, and we were going to make as many memories with her as we could, but there will always be more memories we want to share with her. ...
8 comments
Read more

Bread Baking Adventure

Lets talk about bread...... I have a love/hate relationship with the stuff. I LOVE the taste of it, but I HATE what it does to me. Lately I have been on a search for healthier foods for me and my family, and since my daughter has a milk allergy, I have focusing most of my searches around what she needs the most ( or in this case what she cant have- milk based products) I have come up with a few great milk-less recipes that we love, like this Milk-less Pancake Recipe  and this awesome milk-less Muffin base that we use all the time. I love mixing up the add-in ingredients to make different muffins that my daughter can enjoy. In an attempt to know what we are putting in to our bodies, I have started making most of our snacks/meals from scratch...and while it takes a little more time and effort, I think it is worth it in the long run. I LOVE to bake, but I am not that great of a bread maker...I don't even own a bread machine! I can make pumpkin bread and sweet breads.......
2 comments
Read more

Becoming Intentional

It seems like forever since I have blogged....its actually only been a few days, but it feels longer...I have been waiting for something to write....something funny....something wonderful.....something inspiring...... However, I have nothing like that to write about.....my writing will be changed forever and as much as I hate that and the reason behind it, I cannot change it. Maybe in the future the tone of my writing will change, but for now I will write whats on my heart...it may not be for anyone but for me...and that is o.k. Today was the 1st day of school for this semester for my daughter Olivia. With us living between 2 homes during Mom's Hospice, I felt like we needed to focus all of our attention on spending as much time with mom as possible. So we put getting back to school on the back burner till we got home. It was the best decision for us, and I will never regret it. The extra hugs and snuggles, and TIME, Olivia was able to spend with her "Gugu" in her la...
2 comments
Read more