Making Time 4 Home

It seems like forever since I have blogged....its actually only been a few days, but it feels longer...I have been waiting for something to write....something funny....something wonderful.....something inspiring...... However, I have nothing like that to write about.....my writing will be changed forever and as much as I hate that and the reason behind it, I cannot change it. Maybe in the future the tone of my writing will change, but for now I will write whats on my heart...it may not be for anyone but for me...and that is o.k. Today was the 1st day of school for this semester for my daughter Olivia. With us living between 2 homes during Mom's Hospice, I felt like we needed to focus all of our attention on spending as much time with mom as possible. So we put getting back to school on the back burner till we got home. It was the best decision for us, and I will never regret it. The extra hugs and snuggles, and TIME, Olivia was able to spend with her "Gugu" in her la...

It is  only fitting that it is snowing, on the day we laid our Beautiful Mother to rest. She loved the snow, and loved watching it fall. The snow will fall and blanket Camp Butler, and in the morning there will be no evidence of a grave opened and closed. There will only be fresh white snow. What a wonderful way to end the day, with a promise that tomorrow, everything that was broken will be made new. Answered prayers come in many ways, tonight my answer came in the form of snow :) 

Tomorrow... That has been the word I have been saying a lot recently... Tomorrow, I will do the laundry.. Tomorrow, I will take down the tree... Tomorrow I will ...fill in the blank... I have had a week of  "tomorrows" and yet I still cant bring myself to actually do anything that I said I would do the day before. Unfortunately I have run out of "tomorrows" for Tomorrow I HAVE to be productive. A week ago, I set myself a date to go back to work (to return to a normal schedule for my family) and tomorrow that date will actually arrive. So thankful that I work from my home, so its not as If I have to be up and out the door facing the world tomorrow. It will be hard to get back in to a routine, but it is something that needs to be done, not only for me but for the rest of my family.  Yesterday was a hard day, We sat, surrounded by our close friends and family, and celebrated our Beautiful Mother and the wonderful life she lived. On Tuesday, my sisters...

It has taken me a few days to put words to how I feel.. I have started and stopped this post, more times then I can count. Just saying the words "my mom is gone" is hard. For some reason I was still holding out for a miracle....I kept watching for signs that she was getting better...even when my eyes were showing me, and my head was telling me she was slipping away...I still kept looking...my heart was not ready to "see" what was in front of me.  The last few days with mom were some of the hardest I have ever went through, and I wish that no one has to go through it.  Some memories will never be written down, they are just for the few that were there, the ones who witnessed them and were a part of them. Other memories will be told countless times, to friends and family, they will make us smile and warm our hearts..those are the memories I will hold on to.  They will be the ones I write down... At 7:59 p.m. on Saturday, January 9th, my...

There are no words to express what we are going through...I couldn't even begin to describe the hurt that we are experiencing.  Watching a loved one slip away, a little more with each day, is emotionally draining.  The hardest thing is knowing that with each passing moment, it could be her last.  I have taken to hugging her and "tucking her in" multiple times a night...because I'm so afraid that it will be the last time I get to do so.  My sister and I have spent the night holding her hand, whispering to her that "it's ok" if she needs to go....that we "understand."  I need to cry, but I'm afraid that once the tears start, I will not be able to recover...and we have to be strong, for mom...for the kids...for each other.  Even though I know that I need to be strong...i'm not. I want to curl up in my moms bed, like I did when I was scared as a child, and have her wrap her arms around me and tell me  "it's ok."  I want her to...

With everything going on in the the last few days,  my prayers have changed. My prayers are no longer filled with "please heal my mom.....if you can cure cancer, surely you can heal her liver" My prayers are now..."Please take away her pain, surround her and us In your peace...please give her  rest"  While I am still looking for a miracle, I am also realizing that each day, each moment she is here, her pain intensifies, and I don't want my beautiful mother to suffer.  I want her to be laughing and smiling and pain free, and while she is here, like this, that can't happen.  Sometimes the freedom and healing we pray and beg God for, only happens after he has called our loved ones home. Changing my prayers have been hard...I want to scream out "why won't You save her!"  Then I realize that He already has...my mom is a child of Gods and He has already given everything for her. In that knowledge, I find Peace.  Even i...

My BEAUTIFUL mom had a wonderful day today!! Just seeing her smile and goof off with her grandkids has meant the world to us!  She has been surrounded by a TON of friends today, who have cheered her up and showered her with love!  Today has been filled with impromptu singing, wearing turbans, pretend sword fights, watching musicals, and just hanging out and talking about everything.   It has been a WONDERFUL day... A day we all needed... Mom is watching a cartoon with her oldest grandkids, Jaida and Olivia, as I write this, and I can hear all three of them giggling and talking about the carton :)  Praying for another great day tomorrow, but if not, we were blessed to have today!