Anxiety is NOT a Myth

Have you ever stood in front of your front door, hand hovering over the door handle, inwardly saying to yourself " you can do this"?

Or, have you ever sat in the parking lot at a big box store, gripping the steering wheel, anxiously watching as yet another person is walking into an already packed store. (seriously dont they have a limit on how many people can shop at once)

Or maybe, just maybe...you are sitting somewhere surrounded my your friends/family, and while you are laughing at all the right times, smiling and nodding your head, and they can see your smile....you know the one that you have been hiding behind.

Maybe you feel as if  you are sitting behind a glass window...you can see everyone, you can interact with them, but its not you. Its just a shell of who you were, and you are just going through the motions.

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Anxiety is real.

It is MESSY.

There are tears.

There are lots of tears.

I have suffered with anxiety my WHOLE life...it is real...it is hard...and some days it can be soul crushing. 

And when you pass this on to your child....there will be even more tears.

My heart aches that I cant take her anxiety away from her.

I would take it on, in a heartbeat if I could.

But I cant.

I can't pick her up and kiss this away, like I would a skinned knee when she was smaller.

I cant wish this away, by blowing on a wish flower.

I cant....and it breaks this mamas heart.


BUT...


I can give her the tools that she needs to navigate through this life as easy as possible.

I CAN be aware of what she is going through.

I CAN see when she needs some downtime.

I CAN remove negative people from her lives.

I CAN build her up.

I CAN listen to her....even when she isn't saying anything.

I CAN be her ADVOCATE in everything. 

I CAN love her for who she is.

Having dealt with this myself, I know what she is going through. I know there are going to be days that she needs to rest and recharge. I know that sometimes its hard for her to be around a lot of people, and that she HAS to have time to decompress. I know this...because I am the same way.


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So we follow her lead.

We check in with her, we let her listen to music and draw. we sit and watch cartoons and drink hot chocolate, and laugh at crazy things. We sit with her and let her just be STILL when needed. Its ok if she turns my living room into an art studio with canvas lined up against the buffet and Piano with paint and brushes in varying stages of being cleaned/covered in paint. 

We allow her to feel what she is going through

We tell her its ok to be mad (even at us), and that everyone has days where they feel crummy and mad at the world.

We let her show us that she is upset, we encourage her to show her feelings...not to hide them deep inside. 

We encourage her to use her words, and let us know what she is going through.

We have a notebook that she can write hard things down in, and we can write back to her.

We keep a line of communication open with her. 

We dont tell her to "suck it up"

We dont make her be with people who stress her out or cause her to become anxious.

 
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Now that doesn't mean that she gets a free ride. like everyone else she has responsibilities, she has daily chores, and there are times where she will have to show up...no matter how difficult it may be.

Because that is life.

And life is hard, and messy, and sometimes crummy.

But it is LIFE!

This week has been rough...and today....well lets just say that I wish we could have a redo.

We both needed to recharge, rest our hearts, our mind and our souls....We needed to  escape to our safe place (our home) and just be with our family.

Take a deep breath!

It really is OK to say that you cant be around other people....even though it has taken me years to be able to say it with out feeling guilty, it really is ok.

Its needed.

think of your body as your car...if you run on empty all the time, throw in some rattling (anxiety) and then try driving 15 miles over the speed limit...something bad is going to happen.

Take the time you need to refuel, recharge, slowdown, and work on you.

You may miss out on some things...you may miss out on alot, but you will never regret investing time into your family and yourself.

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 I love this verse from the song "I Am Not Alone"  by Natalie Grant

You're here
In my heart
You're the light
That guides me through the dark

You walk beside me
The night seems cold
Each time I fall

Your arms are there to hold

You walk beside me
Giving strength I've never known
I am not alone
You walk beside me

We are never alone. No matter what we go through, no matter what we face...we are not alone.