Can you believe that it is already the middle of October? I sure cant. I have been trying to fill every possible spare moment with "fall" things. We have our pumpkins sitting on the front porch, the diffuser is constantly filled with a "fallish" scent, and we are loving the fall parties and bonfires/hayrides! Even with all of the events going on around us to remind me that it is actually indeed fall.....something is missing.
Maybe its the weather, October usually means sweaters and hoodies, tights and boots, but this year its been a little warm for all my favorite fall clothing. It was seriously almost 80 degrees yesterday! I was sweating and had turned the air back on. What is up with that!
Maybe its becasue Fall is the season for change and I, a creature of habit, do not care for change at all.
Maybe its just as simple as this was my Moms favorite time of year and every time I see a leaf fall, I think of her.
It is probably a combination of all three...The heat, the season, and the knowledge that Mom is no longer here to watch the trees change.
I'm crossing my fingers that the weather will start acting like it supposed to, not going to lie, I have prayed for cooler weather to come :)
I have also decided that change can be good. It gets you out of your comfort zone, and makes you look at the world from a new perspective. It causes you to grow. The last few years, it feels like our family has been stuck in a constant season of change. We lost my father 3 years ago this coming December, and this coming January will mark the 1st year with mom gone.
This change in our life has made us weak, so weak that sometimes we didn't know how we would get through another day. But through that weakness,and that season of change, we also grew stronger. Stronger as a family, Stronger in our faith, and Stronger individually.
We went through a storm, and even though it may have knocked the wind out of us, and we may have lost sight the bigger picture, we did come through it. We didn't get through it alone. No, if we tried to walk through that alone, we would still be stuck, never moving forward, living in the past.
We leaned on the promise in Deuteronomy 31:6, "... He will not fail thee, nor forsake thee."And true to His word, He did not fail us. He was with us in the hospital room while we watch my father slip away. He was with us when we sat the long hours while mom was on hospice. He held our hands as we said goodbye, for the last time, to the people who brought us into this world. He walked with us through the fog that surrounded our life during the weeks/months after each funeral. He led us when we couldn't find the strength to move forward. He stayed true to his promise. He was always there.
I know that grief takes all forms. Today I smile, but tomorrow may be filled with tears, and that's OK. the death of my parents was, and still is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. Our family is still so raw, but I know that even on the worst days, I can get through it as long as I keep holding on to Gods promise.
So during this Fall season, which is my favorite time of year, I will focus on the great memories, pray for some cooler weather, and remember that God is still holding my hand!