Its been a while....maybe too long. But I am here now, willing to open my heart and let anyone who is curious enough, to take a look inside.
When you think of grief, what do you think of?
Is it of someone who is sitting in a quiet room surrounded by their loved ones things?
Is it a crying woman, clinging to the picture of their lost loved one?
What does grief look like....?
If you look at me, what would you see?
Would you see the tears hidden behind my smiles and jokes? would you hear the catch in my voice every time I talk about my parents. Would you know that sometimes I cry in the shower, with the water drowning out my sorrow so that my daughter doesn't hear me cry.
This is what my grief looks like.
For each person, grief takes on a different look. It can never be the same, for each one of us loves differently, so therefor we will each grieve differently.
I realize that this can be a topic that makes some uncomfortable, but it is what many of us are living through. Every day is filled with memories and moments that you want to share when the ones you have lost.
And every day takes you one day further from the day where you lost them, they day that your life changed forever.
This can be good and bad...its good because time does tend to heal wounds....but on the other hand, time is going by without the ones you love beside you.
Time will always march forward, never stopping so we can adjust to the new normal that is our life. Sometimes it feels like we need to push ourselves to heal quicker, to "get over" our grief...but that is not how our hearts are wired. We were created by God, and He knows that we can sometimes be an emotional mess. He know the process that we each have to go through, in order to get through a profound loss in our lives.
I am so thankful that He does not judge me for the moments in my life when I have been "less then perfect" in my walk through this tough time. That He never walked away from me, but instead kept His hand stretched out to me, ready for the moment when I would reach out in my desperation and grab a hold of it.
The one thing I have learned while walking through grief, is that His love never fails. He has reminded me over and over again that He is always walking with me. I have been finding comfort in this knowledge, and the knowledge that I will see my loved ones again.
Until that day, I will cling to Gods promise, that He will never leave me or forsake me. I will continue on my path though grief, and hopefully there will come a day when the grief wont overshadow me, where the tears wont fall, and when I think about my parents, all I will do is smile :) It may not be tomorrow, or even next week.....but I will get there, someday.